


I hope the prize tastes like chocolate

by barelyhuman



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barelyhuman/pseuds/barelyhuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Niles and Odin embark on a stakeout mission which involves danger, cake, and most importantly; Niles getting smacked in the face. More than once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hope the prize tastes like chocolate

This was a bad idea.

 

Niles was very familiar with bad ideas, having much experience of being at the receiving end of many during his childhood. He could therefore conclude with great insight, that this particular plan was a very _very_ bad idea indeed.

 

“This is the best idea I’ve had all week!” Odin whispered excitedly, his voice rising an octave higher in glee.

 

Niles felt his eye twitch in response. Honestly, he himself couldn’t understand how Odin had managed to convince him into agreeing to this… nonsense. (He’s chalking up that agreement to a moment of earnest stupidity that he must’ve caught from being too close to Arthur earlier that morning.) Feeling his fellow retainer’s excitable shifting beside him in their hiding spot, Niles decided to speak up, perhaps get in a last ditch attempt to abandon this plan once and for all.

 

“Odin, maybe we shouldn’t go through with this. As enamoring as the thought of sudden death may be, I’m not that willing to go searching for it right now.”

 

Niles felt his friend shift beside him, and felt the fiery intensity of the man’s gaze turn upon him.

 

“Nonsense my loyal ally, you have nothing to fear here with the great Odin Dark’s plan in motion! Only keep the trepidation of the decadence of our success in mind,” Odin crowed, barely keeping to his charade of a whisper anymore.

 

Niles was sure the _great_ Odin Dark’s (more like great moron, _honestly_ ) face was stretched in a shit-eating grin at the moment. But then again he could be wrong and Odin could be looking as somber and mildly regretful as he was, and was simply putting up a front to save his quickly crumbling pride. It was hard to tell in the dark.

 

In fact, the barrel they had both wedged themselves into didn’t even allow a sliver of light to permeate in, leaving the both of them stuck in pitch darkness. As if the discomfort of the lack of vision couldn’t be bad enough, the barrel just barely allowed space for the both of them, and Niles just _had_ to be stuck with the noisiest, most fidgety character in the camp. He had been in worse situations, but this was definitely making its way into his top ten.

 

Niles felt a barely contained groan of annoyance escape his lips, and he shifted, arm banging into Odin’s with relish. He stretched as much as he could in the confined space, feeling the top of the barrel pressing against his head. Pushing Odin’s spandex clad knee further from him, eliciting a pained squeak from the mage, Niles moved, trying to get more comfortable in the tiny space and preparing himself for the wait for their target. Just as his settled down however, his overenthusiastic companion let out a strangled gasp, arms flailing, smacking Niles in the face and stomach with reckless abandon.

 

“Odin what the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!” Niles snarled catching the blonde man’s wrists as they continued to smack his face erratically. Tugging Odin’s twitching hands away from where his fingers were in danger of stabbing out his one good eye, he held them in front of him, crushing them in his grip for good measure.

 

“As exciting as I know it must be to be in such close proximity to me. Endure it a bit more won’t you?” Niles hissed, voice lowering to a dangerously silky tone, “I’m not exactly in the mood to stab anyone within a barrel, but I won’t put it past me.”

 

“C-cape…” Odin squeaked beside him, squirming madly.

 

“What?” Niles responded oh-so-very eloquently, eyebrows furring together at the sudden mention of the article of clothing.

 

“You’re… sitting on… my…” the mage cried, barely choking out the words as he struggled (rather too nosily in Niles’ opinion) to take in gulps of air.

 

“Oh.” Realisation dawned on the former outlaw, and he lifted himself off the barrel’s floor for a moment, releasing Odin’s wrists and pushing away the thick material from beneath him. He heard Odin cough in relief, feeling the mage’s arm bump into his shoulder as he massaged his neck. Inwardly, Niles wondered if he should apologise. He decided not to.

 

Instead he asked, “why are you even wearing your cape right now, shouldn’t you have expected something like this to happen?”

 

Odin huffed composing himself for a moment before answering.

 

“Of _course_ I need to wear my cape! It is one of my mystical raiments of… mystique! Anyway, I can’t _not_ look my best today of all days, it’s too much of a momentous occasion.”

 

Niles felt his eye roll in response. One day, Niles thought, he was going to roll his eye so much his eye muscles would spasm and eject his only good eye out. Niles vowed at that moment, to never consider joining Odin for a plan ever again, or even _be_ near him ever again, which would admittedly be a difficult task seeing as how they work together. But, it is a task he was very much willing to undertake if only just to save any potential harm to his vision.

 

Perhaps he could get Odin captured by the Hoshidian army. He could just leave him in the midst of them and the plan would carry out itself (the man was so noisy he always drew the enemy to him without much need for help from Niles). Although then again, he might get killed instead of taken captive, which would be the smarter choice for the enemy since keeping the idiot was too much work-

 

Before he could finish the thought, his ears had perked up to the sounds of telltale steps coming closer. Nudging Odin, he braced his hands against the top of the barrel, getting ready for his target to approach. Odin caught on quickly, also having recognised the footsteps, his stance mirroring Niles.

 

The two retainers paused, tension coiling within them as they heard the oak door open with a creak, and metal boots carry their owner in, heels thudding on the stone tile floor.

 

“What the…” breathed the voice from beyond the barrel, and the retainers spared each other a nod the other couldn’t see before shoving the top of the barrel open, unfolding their bodies into the light.

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” cried Odin, spreading his arms out majestically.

 

“Hap-ugh!” cried Niles as the side of his face once again made contact with Odin’s sweeping right arm.

 

“Waugh!” cried their target right before Niles’ vision was once again obscured, now with a face full of branches and leaves.

 

Luckily for the two of them however, the erupting forest disappeared just as quickly as it appeared.

 

“What the _hell_ were you two thinking?! You scared the living daylights out of me!” Leo snarled, having jumped back in shock, brynhildr still clutched in his grasp. The young prince was covered head to toe in frosting, glaring at his two retainers from behind his blonde bangs.

 

Odin had the decency to look sheepish at the mess the both of them had created; carefully stepping out of the barrel within the gigantic cake they had hidden in.

 

“Haha, we wanted to surprise you on your birthday milord…” Odin began, ungracefully coughing up a few stray leaves he accidentally swallowed from the attack before. “So, uh… surprise!” he added weakly, taking a small step back from the livid man.

 

Niles sighed once more, following Odin out of the barrel, and taking care not to step in the frosting and smashed cake that went flying when the top of the barrel came off.

 

“We thought that a bit of a crazy birthday might help to cheer you up milord, especially in the midst of this war,” Niles stated, well aware of the branch that had gotten caught in his hair, but making no move to pull it out.

 

“And you thought the best way to cheer me up was to jump out of a giant cake?” asked Leo, disbelief colouring his voice.

 

“Well… Lady Elise agreed that it was a good idea…” muttered Odin, wilting under his prince’s gaze.

 

Leo groaned audibly, shoving his face into his free hand and remained there completely still, covered in frosting and bits of cake for a full fifteen seconds (Niles counted). Then, with his shoulders shaking, Leo started to laugh, his laughter bubbling past his hand still pressed firmly to his face, and echoing around the stone room of his office. Niles reached out to his lord in concern, wondering if they had finally pushed him too far. Before he could touch the young prince though, Leo had already dragged his hand down his face, revealing his flushed cheeks and his brown eyes tearing up with mirth.

 

“This is honestly the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever done for me,” Leo said, still chuckling slightly at the concerned faces of his two retainers, wiping at his leaking eyes. “This doesn’t mean I’m happy with the mess you’ve both made though. _I’m_ not going to be the one who explains all this to the maids later.”

 

Odin nodded enthusiastically at that, probably ecstatic that his lord wasn’t going to fire him for his debacle of a plan.

 

“Leave that to me milord! The great Odin Dark shall return your lair to its spotless state in no time!”

 

Leo shook his head fondly at his retainer, smirking slightly. “I do hope the great Odin Dark has prepared an ACTUAL cake for me though. Or does he expect me to eat it off the floor?” At that Odin started, mouth hanging open slightly in shock, he clearly hadn’t thought his plan the entire way through. Then again Niles doubted the idiot expected the cake to go…. everywhere.

 

“Of course not milord, we had Jakob prepare another cake for us beforehand,” Niles cut in smoothly, placing a hand on Leo’s back and ushering him into the parlor, where indeed a more modestly sized cake waited. “Come this way and we can celebrate the day of your birth more accurately.”

 

“Hmph, well then, lets hurry and head for the cake then. I do hope its chocolate,” Leo murmured, walking carefully around the ruined surprise cake to the direction of the parlor, a telltale blush dusting his cheeks. Both Odin and Niles knew that no matter how much he tried to hide it, he appreciated their attempt.

 

Alls well that ends well, Niles thought privately. Only… An unexpected hurdle was still in store for the two retainers. The rest of the royal family, as well as other close friends were all gathered around the parlor, waiting for Leo’s arrival. The plan was _supposed_ to go like this: they would surprise Leo, he'd be very happy, then they would all walk into the parlor to the cheers of the others and the cheesy birthday song being sung in unison. But obviously, they didn't factor in the splash value of the cake plan. And now Leo was still covered in frosting, a fact that Niles was 99% sure the prince himself had forgotten about, his mind set on the cake. (And probably pushing down the traumatic memory of watching two grown men jump out of a giant pink and white birthday cake, emblazoned with his own face made of icing, out of his mind) As he pushed open the door that led to the party, Niles and Odin shared a glance, a rare show of camaraderie as they prepared themselves for the yelling that’s sure to occur. And probably Camilla’s axe.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what Leo's favourite cake flavour is but I'm pretty sure no one wants a tomato flavoured cake. Not even him. I'm also headcanoning Leo as a pretty easily distracted person which is how he manages to wear his clothes inside out all the time lmao............ 
> 
> And also I'm lazy to error check so I'll probably just do that in the morning whoopsie


End file.
